Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
