I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
