Moan for me like Helen Keller
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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