im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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