OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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