As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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