i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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