I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize