yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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