he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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