If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
