Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
