this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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