fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize