I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
