my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize