FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
