Having a random hookup so left but love u
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
