Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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