yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
