A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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