OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She bit a glass in half.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
