There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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