I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
