ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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