He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
