The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
