chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize