So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
being pregnant is like rehab
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
