That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
