I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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