take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
