did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
