I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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