Don't you send me to vm
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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