I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it penis luge time yet?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
