I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
