i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
