My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
