U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
