Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
