I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Even my vagina gasped.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
