Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize