so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
