i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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