Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
