So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
