Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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