Buhtt sex?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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