yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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