We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
