either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
