My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Pooping to opera.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
