I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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