Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
