listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Terrible idea I love it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize