This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
