I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
