This is not my ceiling
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
