All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
