Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
