I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
