the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
