she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
