thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize