Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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