I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
