I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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