The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
