i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
