I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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