Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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