do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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