Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
