new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
