It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize