You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
