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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  Both

  Fav 18 2335 926

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  that's awkward

  Fav 5 1201 2644

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  capris are just wrong

  (703): View more from Virginia

  its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

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• (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?

  Fav 7 4569 1595

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!

  Fav 5 1347 681

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• (904): View more from Florida

  All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.

  Fav 3 1040 601

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• (607): View more from New York

  WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies

  (210): View more from Texas

  THE END IS NEIGH

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.

  Fav 0 13 27

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