i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
