I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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