I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
