we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
