So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
false alarm, still single
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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