guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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