he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
