Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
