You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
