at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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