i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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