Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
