oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
