Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
