i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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