Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
