Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
