I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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