I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
