she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
