He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
