Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
