What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
